[科幻]宿主-第125章

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Finally；　I　stopped　waiting　and　returned　to　my　mourning。　Ian　did　not　interrupt。　I　sat　in　the　blackness　of　the　


big　hole　in　the　ground　and　grieved　for　lost　souls　with　a　human　at　my　side。


　CHAPTER　41


　Vanished

　Ian　sat　with　me　for　three　days　in　the　darkness。

　He　left　for　only　a　few　short　minutes　at　a　time；　to　get　us　food　and　water。　At　first；　Ian　ate；　though　I　did　not。　
Then；　as　he　realized　that　it　wasn’t　a　loss　of　appetite　that　left　my　tray　full；　he　stopped　eating；　too。

　I　used　his　brief　absences　to　deal　with　the　physical　needs　that　I　could　not　ignore；　thankful　for　the　
proximity　of　the　odorous　stream。　As　my　fast　lengthened；　those　needs　vanished。

　I　couldn’t　keep　from　sleeping；　but　I　did　not　make　myself　fortable。　The　first　day；　I　woke　to　find　my　
head　and　shoulders　cradled　on　his　lap。　I　recoiled　from　him；　shuddering　so　violently　that　he　did　not　repeat　
the　gesture。　After　that；　I　slumped　against　the　stones　where　I　was；　and　when　I　woke；　I　would　curl　back　up　
into　my　silent　ball　at　once。

　“Please；”　Ian　whispered　on　the　third　day—at　least　I　thought　it　was　the　third　day；　there　was　no　way　to　be　

　

again。”　
He　would　never　stop　them。　He　was　just　one　among　many。　And；　as　Jared　had　said；　he’d　had　no　
objections　before。　I　was　the　enemy。　Even　in　the　most　passionate；　humankind’s　limited　scope　of　
mercy　was　reserved　for　their　own。　
I　knew　Doc　could　never　intentionally　inflict　pain　on　another　person。　I　doubted　he　would　even　be　capable　
of　watching　such　a　thing；　tender　as　his　feelings　were。　But　a　worm；　a　centipede？　Why　would　he　care　about　
the　agony　of　a　strange　alien　creature？　Why　would　it　bother　him　to　murder　a　baby—slowly；　slicing　it　apart　

piece　by　piece—if　it　had　no　human　mouth　to　scream　with？　
“I　should　have　told　you；”　Ian　whispered。　
Would　it　have　mattered　if　I’d　simply　been　told　rather　than　having　seen　the　tortured　remains　for　myself？　

Would　the　pain　be　less　strong？　
“Please　eat。”　
The　silence　returned。　We　sat　in　it　for　a　while；　maybe　another　hour。　
Ian　got　up　and　walked　quietly　away。　
I　could　make　no　sense　of　my　emotions。　In　that　moment；　I　hated　the　body　I　was　bound　to。　How　did　it　

make　sense　that　his　going　depressed　me？　Why　should　it　pain　me　to　have　the　solitude　I　craved？　I　wanted　

the　monster　back；　and　that　was　plainly　wrong。　
I　wasn’t　alone　for　long。　I　didn’t　know　if　Ian　had　gone　to　get　him　or　if　he’d　been　waiting　for　Ian　to　leave；　
but　I　recognized　Jeb’s　contemplative　whistle　as　it　approached　in　the　darkness。

　The　whistling　stopped　a　few　feet　from　me；　and　there　was　a　loud　click。　A　beam　of　yellow　light　burned　my　

eyes。　I　blinked　against　it。　
Jeb　set　the　flashlight　down；　bulb　up。　It　threw　a　circle　of　light　on　the　low　ceiling　and　made　a　wider；　more　
diffuse　sphere　of　light　around　us。

　Jeb　settled　himself　against　the　wall　beside　me。　
“Gonna　starve　yourself；　then？　Is　that　the　plan？”　
I　glared　at　the　stone　floor。　
If　I　was　being　honest　with　myself；　I　knew　that　my　mourning　was　over。　I　had　grieved。　I　hadn’t　known　the　


　

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angry。　
“You　wanna　die；　there　are　easier　and　faster　ways。”　
As　if　I　wasn’t　aware　ofthat。


　“So　give　me　to　Doc；　then；”　I　croaked。　
Jeb　wasn’t　surprised　to　hear　me　speak。　He　nodded　to　himself；　as　if　this　was　exactly　what　he’d　known　
would　e　out　of　my　mouth。


　“Did　you　expect　us　to　just　give　up；　Wanderer？”　Jeb’s　voice　was　stern　and　more　serious　than　I　had　ever　
heard　it　before。　“We　have　a　stronger　survival　instinct　than　that。　Of　course　we　want　to　find　a　way　to　get　
our　minds　back。　It　could　be　any　one　of　us　someday。　So　many　people　we　love　are　already　lost。

　“It　isn’t　easy。　It　nearly　kills　Doc　each　time　he　fails—you’ve　seen　that。　But　this　is　our　reality；　Wanda。　This　

is　our　world。　We’ve　lost　a　war。　We　are　about　to　be　extinct。　We’re　trying　to　find　ways　to　save　ourselves。”　
For　the　first　time；　Jeb　spoke　to　me　as　if　I　were　a　soul　and　not　a　human。　I　had　a　sense　that　the　distinction　
had　always　been　clear　to　him；　though。　He　was　just　a　courteous　monster。

　I　couldn’t　deny　the　truth　of　what　he　was　saying；　or　the　sense　of　it。　The　shock　had　worn　off；　and　I　was　

myself　again。　It　was　in　my　nature　to　be　fair。　
Some　few　of　these　humans　could　see　my　side　of　things；　Ian；　at　least。　Then　I；　too；　could　consider　their　
perspective。　They　were　monsters；　but　maybe　monsters　who　were　justified　in　what　they　were　doing。

　Of　course　they　would　think　violence　was　the　answer。　They　wouldn’t　be　able　to　imagine　any　other　
solution。　Could　I　blame　them　that　their　genetic　programming　restricted　their　problem…solving　abilities　in　
this　way？

　I　cleared　my　throat；　but　my　voice　was　still　hoarse　with　disuse。　“Hacking　up　babies　won’t　save　anyone；　
Jeb。　Now　they’reall　dead。”　
He　was　quiet　for　a　moment。　“We　can’t　tell　your　young　from　your　old。”　
“No；　I　know　that。”　
“Your　kind　don’t　spare　our　babies。”　
“We　don’t　torture　them；　though。　We　never　intentionally　cause　anyone　pain。”　
“You　do　worse　than　that。　You　erase　them。”

　“You　do　both。”　
“We　do；　yes—because　we　have　to　try。　We　have　to　keep　fighting。　It’s　the　only　way　we　know。　It’s　keep　
trying　or　turn　our　faces　to　the　wall　and　die。”　He　raised　one　eyebrow　at　me。


　That　must　have　been　what　it　looked　like　I　was　doing。　


　

　“It　will　never　work；　Jeb。　You　can　keep　cutting　us　out　in　pieces；　but　you’ll　just　murder　more　and　more　
sentient　creatures　of　both　species。　We　do　not　willingly　kill；　but　our　bodies　are　not　weak；　either。　Our　
attachments　may　look　like　soft　silver　hair；　but　they’re　stronger　than　your　organs。　That’s　what’s　
happening；　isn’t　it？　Doc　slices　upmy　family；　and　their　limbs　shred　through　the　brains　ofyours。　”

　“Like　cottage　cheese；”　he　agreed。

　I　gagged　and　then　shuddered　at　the　image。

　“It　makes　me　sick；　too；”　he　admitted。　“Doc　gets　real　bent　out　of　shape。　Every　time　he　thinks　he’s　got　it　
cracked；　it　goes　south　again。　He’s　tried　everything　he　can　think　of；　but　he　can’t　save　them　from　getting　
turned　into　oatmeal。　Your　souls　don’t　respond　to　injected　sedation…　or　poison。”

　My　voice　came　out　rough　with　new　horror。　“Of　course　not。　Our　chemical　makeup　is　pletely　
different。”

　“Once；　one　of　yours　seemed　to　guess　what　was　going　to　happen。　Before　Doc　could　knock　the　human　
out；　the　silver　thingy　tore　up　his　brain　from　the　inside。　Course；　we　didn’t　know　that　until　Doc　opened　him　
up。　The　guy　just　collapsed。”

　I　was　surprised；　strangely　impressed。　That　soul　must　have　been　very　brave。　I　had　not　had　the　courage　to　
take　that　step；　even　in　the　beginning　when　I　was　sure　they　were　going　to　try　to　torture　this　very　
information　from　me。　I　didn’t　imagine　they　would　try　to　slash　the　answer　out　for　themselves；　that　course　
was　so　obviously　doomed　to　failure；　it　had　never　occurred　to　me。

　“Jeb；　we　are　relatively　tiny　creatures；　utterly　dependent　on　unwilling　hosts。　We　wouldn’t　have　lasted　very　
long　if　we　didn’t　have　some　defenses。”

　“I’m　not　denying　that　your　kind　have　a　right　to　those　defenses。　I’m　just　telling　you　that　we’re　gonna　keep　
fighting　back；　however　we　can。　We　don’t　mean　to　cause　anyone　pain。　We’re　makin’　this　up　as　we　go。　
But　wewill　keep　fighting。”

　We　looked　at　each　other。

　“Then　maybe　youshould　have　Doc　slice　me　up。　What　else　am　I　good　for？”

　“Now；　now。　Don’t　be　silly；　Wanda。　We　humans　aren’t　so　logical　as　all　that。　We　have　a　greater　range　of　
good　and　bad　in　us　than　you　do。　Well；　maybe　mostly　the　bad。”

　I　nodded　at　that；　but　he　kept　going；　ignoring　me。

　“We　value　the　individual。　We　probably　puttoo　much　emphasis　on　the　individual；　if　it　es　right　down　to　
it。　How　many　people；　in　the　abstract；　would…　let’s　say　Paige…　how　many　people　would　she　sacrifice　to　
keep　Andy　alive？　The　answer　wouldn’t　make　any　sense　if　you　were　looking　at　the　whole　of　humanity　as　
equals。

　“The　way　you　are　valued　here…　Well；　that　don’t　make　much　sense　when　you　look　at　it　from　humanity’s　

　

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myself　in　that　group。　I　count　you　as　a　friend；　Wanda。　Course；　that’s　not　gonna　work　well　if　you　hate　me。”　
“I